When You Think Your Car Is 'All That'

After driving around aimlessly for hours in a crowded parking lot looking for a parking spot, I got rushes of adrenaline when I finally found an open space.  You know the feeling—Oh, JOY!!

But as you can see, I’m not even close to being in line with the car next to me.  Why?  Because someone thought their car deserved two spaces all to itself!  They were parked crooked, too.  So even though I made an attempt to wedge in there, I just couldn’t make it.

Sooooooo, now I’m not a happy camper because this was clearly uncalled for and I’m tired of driving around in circles for a parking space.

I don’t know why people insist on making me reach into my glove box for my pad of yellow parking tickets.  Oh, trust me, I’m not leaving until one of these is plastered onto their windshield.  I don’t have ANY problem standing behind their car while I fill out the paperwork.

And I DO take the time to fill out all the necessary blocks of information—the time of violation, the make, model, and license number of said car—just so there’s no mistaking who I’m clearly irritated with!!

I know it freaks people out as they’re walking to their cars and can see a yellow ticket face-down on their windshields—or even better—as they’re starting to drive off.  Then to have to pull over and pull it off.  (Insert evil laugh here.)

So if you see one of these yellow bad boys on your car windshield under the wiper blade, YEAH, IT WAS ME!!!  If I had to resort to these measures, you can believe I was ticked off with your lack of regard for other drivers—like your car is SO special!!

So, if you have nothing else to do today, let’s see if we can’t try to keep our cars within the lines of the one space we’re allotted per vehicle, shall we?

Take-Away Life Lesson:  It’s not much different from coloring within the lines when you were a child, people.

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Contemplating Life

Me

Sometimes I just sit and think about life in general—about my life, about the things I’ve experienced, the things I’ve endured, the joys I’ve had, the sadness I’ve had, the people I’ve met along the way, the future people I am going to meet, and the opportunities I’ve had because of the choices I’ve made, or because of life circumstances, or being in the right place at the right time.

With the exceptions of one or two moments in time, I would not change a thing about my entire life—including all the negative, bad, and disappointing things that have befallen it—because I have learned a lot along the way.  It has shaped me into the person I’ve become.  I have become smarter and wiser because of it but I am also still learning.

Life is one big learning lesson and I love nothing more than learning new things that I know nothing about.  I love soaking up all kinds of information.  I’m like a sponge for knowledge.  I want to know and learn it all!

Where does it end?  It never does—that’s the problem.  There’s not enough time in this lifetime to learn everything about life so I do what I can with the time I’ve been given and hope for the best.  I love being a well-rounded individual.  It’s better than having a limited mind with limited knowledge and not being able to converse with people on a variety of subjects.  I’ve found the more informed I am, the more interesting life becomes.

So, if you have nothing else to do today, sit and stare for a really long period of time while contemplating your own life and how you can make it the way you want it to be while embracing the little twists and turns along the way.

Take-Away Life Lesson:  Always make the most of every single minute of every single day you have been given on this earth—or even on the moon should you choose to go there.  Be as happy and informed as you possibly can be.  It’s your beautiful life to do with as you please.  Embrace it.

New Sale Items At Target!!

Cockroach

Ya know—as I browse the “Life” section of my blog, I realize I have a lot of craziness that goes on in my life.  I guess that’s part of the beauty of life—you never know what you’re gonna get from one day to the next.

While out shopping at Target today in their lamp aisle, I had the utmost pleasure of running into their latest sale item—cockroaches!  Oh, don’t worry guys—I didn’t buy them all.  I mean, there were plenty to go around for everyone.

Is there anything else that can possibly put off my shopping experience?!  It was all I could do to keep one from crawling up my leg, into my purse, and going home with me.  Eww.

So, if you have nothing else to do today, no need to rush yourself getting dressed to get to Target for this sale.  Take your time.  This sale isn’t going to end anytime soon.

Take-Away Life Lesson:  Always be prepared for unusual and crazy things to happen in your life.  It wouldn’t hurt you to keep a can of bug spray on your key chain either.

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Blueberry Mango Smoothie

Fruit Smoothie

Made with fresh blueberries, mango, ginger, mint, sugar, and half & half.

This was made special for me and, oh, how I loved it.  Every ingredient that I was told was inside this glass of lovely—I could taste to perfection.  The perfect amount of each ingredient made this an amazing drink.

Chefs are amazing.  To play in the kitchen and come up with a concoction off the top of your head with the right amount of each ingredient is utterly amazing to me.

So, if you have nothing else to do today, concoct yourself a made up smoothie just for yourself to enjoy—unless you’re in a sharing-type mood.

Take-Away Life Lesson:  The freshest ingredients and in the right amounts make all the difference in how your smoothie will taste.

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The Joys Of Picking A Public Toilet

Public Bathroom

I’ll spare you the trauma of showing any photos of said toilets encountered.  But feel free to read on for the gory details.  I’m all too happy to provide them so you can get as clear a picture as possible of the trauma I go through when forced to use a public restroom/bathroom.

This is why, when I’m out in public, I will “hold it” as long as humanly possible—and even beyond human possibility when I have to go to the bathroom!  My bladder would have to be on the very verge of bursting into flames before I even consider giving a public restroom a fleeting thought.

I loathe using public bathrooms, toilets, restrooms, loos, ladies rooms, the facilities, whatever you want to call them.  Is there any wonder why?

I usually only use them if there’s a major emergency where I have no other choice—and then there’s a major production involved:

  • I push the door open with my foot, shoulder, or back—but if there’s a handle involved then I have to use an elbow of some sort.  I mean, grosswho wants to touch the door handle?!
  • Upon entering, I first have thoughts of all the other souls who have passed through this space before me touching God knows what with their hands that have been God knows where—considering 50% of the population doesn’t believe in hand-washing from my observations.
  • I scour the room for toilet seat covers—if there are none, oh the bloody agony as my skin crawls!
  • I get the “eenie, meenie, miney, moe” song involved in the choosing of a stall door.
  • Then I finally kick the “moe” door open with my foot and, OH MY—WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO USE THE PUBLIC TOILETS AND WHAT DO YOUR TOILETS LOOK LIKE AT HOME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD??!!!!

First of all, HOW IN THE DICKENS is anyone even missing the INSIDE of the toilet stool altogether??!!!  From whence do you come from anyway?  Do you not SEE how big the hole is to begin with?!  I mean, you have a lot of space to work with, people!  Even during the times I decide to actually bend my knees to halfway stand to keep from touching the rim while using the facilities, I have NEVER missed the inside of a toilet.  What whaaat?!!  Goodness gracious alive!

I, obviously, have a level of great talent that some of you cannot seem to master even with training at ‘Toilet University’—and I’m darn proud of my talent!  By jove, how does the entire toilet rim from front to back on both sides have tinkles all the way around it?!  Anyone?  Hmmmmm?!

Now as you might have guessed, I was not looking forward to doing the “eenie, meenie, miney, moe” song again.  (That song is starting not to be quite as fun to sing as it used to be.)  And before I blasted through door number two, I didn’t think it could get any worse.  How wrong I was, indeed.

How is that much toilet paper inside the toilet stool in the first place?  If you have to use that much toilet paper at least be smart about it and flush as you go along, people.  Wipe a few times, flush, wipe, flush—be smart about it.  Come on!  A toilet stool is only going to flush a certain poundage of toilet tissue all at once.  Gee willickers!  Thanks for the gross-looking clogging inside a stool that is now unusable!  And only Lord knows what’s underneath all that toilet paper!

Boy, as you might have guessed, I couldn’t wait to see what Door #3 had in store for me.  Well, well, well.  Low and behold.  Ewww!  Come on now!  Seriously?  FLUSH, people!  I don’t want to see ANY of your business that hailed from your body ever in life!!  ARE WE CLEAR?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The “eenie, meenie, miney, moe” song is getting pretty old at this point—but when I FINALLY DO find the most decent toilet to use (if you can even call it that), of course, it’s lacking a door lock to keep the bloody door from swinging open AND lacking a door hook for my coat, purse, or ANY OTHER FREAKING THING I’D LIKE TO PUT DOWN SO I CAN ACTUALLY USE THE FACILITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Now my only options are to:

  • just throw my things on the disgusting floor itself or
  • figure out a way to hold my things while trying not to touch the rim of the toilet seat AND holding the door closed all at the same time!!!

As you might have guessed, I opt for the latter as I refuse to put my things on a cruddy floor.

Does anyone out there feel my misery yet???!!!  DO YOU ALL HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF HOW MY BODY IS POSITIONED AT THIS POINT just to use a public restroom?????  Is there ANY wonder I avoid them like the plague?!!

Oh, oh, oh, guys, guess what??!!!  Here’s the best part.  Now that my entire body is in this awkward position using the bathroom while trying not to touch the rim, while holding all my things, AND trying to keep a miserable door shut—low and behold—THERE’S NO TOILET PAPER IN THE STALL!!!  Can life get any more joyful for me at this point?!

So thank you to all the people of the world who seem to take great pride in making my life miserable any time I have no choice but to enter a public restroom.

Am I asking too much of a public facility?

So, if you have nothing else to do today, I strongly suggest carrying around your own personal door lock, door hook, and handwipes—I mean, who wants the cooties?  Or do yourself a favor and do everything in your power to avoid a public restroom.

Take-Away Life Lesson:  Clearly you need to haul around your own personal toddler trainer toilet seat every time you leave the house.  It’s much more convenient and much cleaner, safer, and less traumatic than what you’ll have to face when entering a public bathroom.