Is There A Perfect Checkout Lane Anywhere On Earth?

Express Checkout Lane
This is clear as day to me!

Well, this is a recurring theme in my life that doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon.  Can I ever just get into a perfect check-out lane?  Apparently NOT ever!

Are we all reading the same signage here?!!  I purposely got into this line because it’s the speedy lane—you know, the (insert # here) items or less lane!  In this case, it’d be TWELVE (12).  Let’s just spell it out AND put the numeric value there to make it clear to everyone!

And, of course, I have a couple of heavy milk jugs in my hands weighing me down.  But, OH NO.  I’m convinced the only reason the lane ain’t moving ‘expressly‘ is because ‘yours truly’ got into this line.  Yeah, that’d be me.  So let the fun begin!

I was clearly irritated because this is now no longer an express lane.  And if I dare get outta line now, low and behold, I’ll end up in an even worse line.  And since I now had plenty of time on my hands what do you think I did next?  Oh, yeah, baby—count!  By the time they were finished there were 31 items!

And, no, the cashier didn’t say anything to the offenders.  Now, I’ve been in checkout lanes where the cashier will read you the riot act right and left and make you high-tail it outta line if she sees you have way too many items (and it’s amusing, to say the least—especially if the cashier’s inner thug comes out)—but that wasn’t the case here.

Now finally after an eternity—we’re gettin’ close, it’s almost my turn, YAY—well, don’t get too happy, girl!  Now we gotta problem with the payment!  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So, if you have nothing else to do today, let’s all learn some basic reading and math skills.  How ’bout it?

Take-Away Life Lesson:  31 – 12 = 19 for Pete’s sake!

Preparing For The Storm
Why, Why, Why Do I Always Pick The Wrong Line?

30 thoughts on “Is There A Perfect Checkout Lane Anywhere On Earth?

  1. Just as bad are the folks who have one or two items, and want you to let them in ahead of you in a on-express line because they just have a few items. I point out the express line to them….Often, I notice there a few folks in that line and the one who wants to get in ahead of me just doesn’t want to wait in that line either.

    1. That’s crazy. I can’t believe people are actually asking to go ahead of you. That’s rude. I think if the person doesn’t offer it themselves to you, then you should stay in your place.

  2. Here there are no limited items lanes (generally speaking), so everyone is waiting irregardless and the customer can take longer by chatting with the cashier – you learn to not be in such a rush, culturally speaking!

  3. It’s really the lowest of the low when the (ahem) lady with the bazillion items on the belt looks for her wallet AFTER the cashier tells her the total… THEN looks for her checkbook (instead of a debit card) and a pen…then proceeds to write the details into her check register BEFORE giving the cashier the check… I shall cease at this point! 🙂 lol

  4. Oh do I know…Why, Why, Why do I ALWAYS Pick the Wrong Line? I know it is just paranoid idiodcy, plus an extreme lack of patience and self control BUT Why…Why…Why…? Your Blog is fun, THANX!. dru

  5. This made me laugh; I feel the same way, but with the added frustration of hating the term “12 (or whatever) items or less”. Does no-one understand actual English anymore – it’s “fewer” – not “less”. Less mean not so much of a single something. Fewer means not so many discrete items. AAAAAGH. … OCD or what?

  6. Thanks for checking out my blog. I am glad you liked it. This is a good post. One of life’s little trials, picking the right line. It was great when banks began to create one line for all (some Whole Foods Markets have that procedure, but others do not – maybe it’s a store layout issue) but it was even greater when the invented ATMs, but now they have lines too. 🙂

  7. you know what they have at one of the walmarts here….it’s amazing. it’s called scan n go, I don’t know if it’s everywhere at this point but it’s where I live. you use your iPhone to scan your stuff, bag it and put it in the buggy, then you go to the self check out, select scan n go, scan the stupid code on the screen with your phone and it transfers all your stuff to the register, you pay and leave. It’s the best! it’s the only way I’ll shop now.

    1. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of it. Maybe we have it and I just don’t know about it. I know we have self-checkout lines everywhere tho. I’ll have to ask.

  8. To properly use an express lane, you need to scout it out before you jump in line. For example, although I’m 69 years old, I try to avoid lines with really elderly people, because they usually write checks slowly and/or don’t know how to use their own debit/credit card in a machine. Word to the wise. Even so, I take everything in stride. I just stand there, waiting my turn, and take in the sights of people around me.

    1. Good points, good points! My scouting usually seems spot on but it’s only after I’ve been in line for several minutes and it’s closer to my turn that things take a turn for the worse. But, yeah, I need more patience.

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