(I swear this is all I wanted.)
There are all kinds of people who are “accepted for who they are.” Even Charles Manson had people who “accepted him for who he was.” He continued to hang around these people who “accepted him for who he was,” in part, because he could treat them any way he chose to since they allowed him to do so. Doesn’t mean it was right. It just means he found people that let him treat them that way. At what point do you say, “Hey, this is really WHO this person is and I know I deserve WAY better than this—especially when you’ve HAD way better than that before?”
I have gone out from time-to-time with gentlemen suitors on occasion that run the gamut of all nationalities, shapes, and sizes with ages ranging from 20’s through 60’s. I mean, I don’t discriminate—if you’re nice, you’re nice.
But the men vs. women world can fascinate me at times and I’d LOVE for anyone to give me their honest opinions on this because I, for the life of me, can’t figure it out. And, by all means, if you think there may be something wrong with my way of thinking—please feel free to let me know or explain your side of it to me. I’m all ears and won’t take offense.
Three weeks ago, I had two different dates lined up with two different people:
A. The first guy—I had formally met just the day before the date and is someone in his mid-20’s and from a foreign country. He told me he remembered me from a whole year ago when I made a brief stop at a store he worked at part-time but I hadn’t really seen him since. He told me every item of clothing I had worn that day when I came into the store and it triggered my memory.
Long story short—he called me the very next day and wanted to go for a run in a park that afternoon. The weather was beautiful, people were all over the park, and I thought it was an awesome first-date type thing to do—with the exception that we decided to walk around the park because I get winded too quickly. Seriously? Run?! Who are we kidding? Let’s get real.
Two hours later we parted ways when he had to go to work and only 15 minutes later after he arrived at work he was kind enough to call to thank me for meeting him out. A SIMPLE AND UNCOMPLICATED DATE, I TELL YOU!
B. The second guy—I have known for a few years and is much older and in his mid-50’s. I’ve been out with him several times before—off and on. It’s nothing serious and we’ve talked on the phone many times. He always asks me what types of things I like. Since he doesn’t like to “guess” what a woman likes—he’d prefer women tell him straight out. So I’ve done this on several occasions. I’ve also mentioned things I like or want to do even when he doesn’t ask me what I like. He’s generally smart enough and pays attention.
BUT HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF A WEEK WITH THE SECOND GUY:
A. THE RESTAURANT
We had been talking on the phone off and on for several weeks about nothing in particular. During our conversations, I kept mentioning how much I love the onion rings and apple pie at this one particular sports bar. Love them so much that I go there from time to time to treat myself. And during their happy hour ALL their appetizers are HALF-PRICE!! The onion rings go from $7.00 to $3.50 for a big mound of those suckers. The deal is just too sweet to pass up. Get a side of ranch dressing and I go to town eating them. I crave them all the time.
At some point he and I agreed we’d go to this same sports bar the very next Thursday (a week later) for a “date” to get onion rings and apple pie since he had never been there before and he likes onion rings and apple pie himself and knew I did, too. And because I’m always thinking about the onion rings, I was anticipating the date all week.
Not only have I constantly talked about my love for these onion rings and apple pie, my mouth was watering for them.
Well, only two days later which was a Saturday—he calls and asks if I’m available to go to the sports bar that very day since he was out and about town and could head towards there in a few minutes because he suddenly found some free time and was craving the apple pie. I said, “SURE”! I mean, I was available and we can get the apple pie sooner rather than next week. But I asked him if this means we’re not going back to the sports bar next Thursday to get onion rings during happy hour. He said, “No, of course we can still go Thursday, too.”
So I’m thinking WOW—I’ll get to go with him both today for apple pie (which was Saturday) AND next Thursday for onion rings. Even though he was paying, I figured, why pay full price on Saturday for onion rings when you can get the same amount at half-price during the week at happy hour? So we only got apple pie on Saturday.
(My point to all this is somewhere along the way the entire non-date became about HIMSELF even though he’s always asking ME what I like to do, what I want to do, etc., etc., so he doesn’t have to “guess” what women like. Not that I’m selfish and expected it to be all about me—but why ask a woman what she wants, likes, etc., if you’re trying to “please her” if he’s just going to change everything to what HE wants to do???)
So that following week on Monday he calls and asks me if it was “ok if we went to a different restaurant on Thursday instead of the sports bar.” So I was accommodating and said “SURE, THAT’S FINE.” (After all, I’m thinking—well he’s paying.) So even though all I had been talking about was my love and craving for these onion rings at the sports bar—I was being a team player and decided it was really no big deal for me to go to a different restaurant with him since he, obviously, did not want to go to the sports bar or he wouldn’t be asking me that question to begin with!
There was never any mention of what this “other restaurant” would be but I was game for whatever. I assumed he may have wanted to take me to a “nicer” place to eat rather than a sports bar and maybe surprise me, I guess. I didn’t really know. That’s the only reason in my mind that I could think a guy would ask me if I cared if the place of the restaurant changed when it would be obvious to anyone paying attention to me that all I’ve been talking about was my desire for these onion rings at the sports bar. So I thought it was sweet that he possibly wanted to take me to a “better” place instead.
Talked to him a few more times that week and assumed things were still on as planned even though there was no other mention of this date that whole week. When Thursday came around, he had not called me at all the entire day so I wasn’t sure if he would remember the date or was still planning to go. I thought it was odd he hadn’t called all day to even mention or confirm it. So I continued on with my day as if we were NOT going anywhere since I hadn’t heard anything from him and there was no mention of it again since Monday. But he finally calls around 5:00pm Thursday to confirm we’re still going out. “SURE,” I say.
So I ask him which restaurant HE decided HE wanted to go to instead of the sports bar. Well, he tells me HE has a craving for a hamburger. So I said, “OK.” (Now it becomes about HIS craving and not MY craving that I’ve had all week talking about these onion rings.) So, I happily agreed since I like hamburgers, too. Not one time did he ask me what I had a craving for though. He simply stated HE had a craving for burgers.
B. THE LOCATION
So I ask him where he wanted to go and he says “FIVE GUYS BURGERS.” So, basically, FIVE GUYS and the sports bar are pretty much on par with each other as anyone knows. It’s not like it’s a nice 3- or 4-star restaurant he decided to take me to instead. So I never said anything to him about this change, I simply asked which location we were going to since I had to “meet him there” (more on that below).
He says “Well, there’s 2 or 3 Five Guys locations we can go to” and told me he could go to either of them and it did not matter to him. He asked me to pick one from which location I preferred to go to and what was more convenient for me and he would just meet me there since he had no preference.
I said, “Well, let’s just go to the one on “Anywhere” Street. He said, “OK.” Told him I needed to get ready and would call him back. (Had he confirmed the date earlier in the day or at least made mention of it later in the week, I probably would have already been ready at 5:00.)
I texted him an hour later after I got ready to see what time he wanted to meet. He said he was ready to meet NOW if I was ready but told me to meet him at the FIVE GUYS on “John Doe” Street instead. (HUH??!!! What??!!!)
So now I’m thoroughly confused as to why he is always asking me what I want to do, prefer to do, and the things I like if he is going to just change everything to whatever HE wants to do. So I asked him to call me when he got a chance.
He calls straight away and I ask him “why the change in location?” He said because HE “can get more things done” if HE goes to this other location. Since he didn’t elaborate, I asked him “like what?” and he says something like either returning shoes or looking at shoes at the mall and other things out the same direction of “John Doe” Street.
So now it has become about what is more convenient for HIM rather than what I preferred to do, where I preferred to go, or what was more convenient for ME like he said from the start.
Then he said if I preferred NOT to go to the Five Guys on “John Doe” Street to just say that and let him know where to meet. (At this point I could hear the attitude starting in his voice.) So I simply said, “Well, I’d rather go to the Five Guys Burgers on “Anywhere” Street like I said from the start.
At this point his voice started to sound hostile because I was asking him why he would ask me where I wanted to eat, what location I wanted to go to, etc., if he’s just going to keep changing it to what he wants. I asked him why he just didn’t call to tell me why he wanted to change locations so I wouldn’t be confused as to why he kept asking me what I wanted when all I saw was him changing everything and not listening to me. He told me “because it was none of my business and I didn’t need to know everything.” (True story, guys!)
I thought I had every right to ask him the questions I was asking because I have been confused since last week up until this very day of the date because he keeps asking me something and then changing it. Once I heard him say a curse word on the phone, I was not planning to go anywhere with him. Why would he get upset on the phone like I did something wrong?
I couldn’t figure out why we were even having these conversations in the first place when I thought I was going to be IN A SPORTS BAR RIGHT NOW EATING ONION RINGS AT HALF-PRICE FOR $3.50 DURING HAPPY HOUR BETWEEN 4:00-6:00PM!!!
Then he says to me with a clear attitude, “Why are you making everything so complicated? It’s simple—either you want to go to that particular location or you don’t. If you’d rather go to the other Five Guys location just say so.”
(My point is, I ALREADY HAD!!! So how many times do I have to say where I want to go, what I want to eat, which location I want to go, and what I like?!)
C. HOW TO GET THERE
Going back to the beginning of the “non-date.” He always asks what I like and has even asked me how my ideal date would go from beginning to end. I have told him this many times before—because, like I said, I’ve known him for a few years so we’ve had plenty of conversations. He likes to know these things so he can “do” these things to please the other person.
I’ve always made mention how much I like when a guy is gentlemanly and picks a woman up in his car for a date rather than always telling her to drive herself and meet him out every place. So he’s very well aware of what I like because I’ve said it on many occasions.
BUT YOU GUESSED IT!!
He refused to pick me up because he said his car was “raggedy” and he doesn’t want to pick me up in it. I told him I did not care what his car looked like because I’ve had guys come and get me in both really nice cars and cars that were “raggedy.” It doesn’t matter to me. I think it’s much tackier to make a lady drive to meet a guy for a date rather than at the very least offering to pick her up and giving her the option.
He told me he was more concerned with how his car looked and wouldn’t pick me up until he got a new car one day. (So he’s really more concerned about flossin’ (showing out) in a car rather than having a lady drive herself to the date location.) UNBELIEVABLE! To my way of thinking—that is so ungentlemanly, so tacky, and so ghetto to treat women like that. So this is pretty much what he does when his car is “raggedy”—he has any woman he takes out on a date meet him there and drive herself.
So as you can clearly see—guy “B” comes across to me as being VERY SELFISH and disrespectful towards women in my opinion.
So my question to you all is:
WHY WOULD A GUY ASK YOU ALL THE THINGS YOU LIKE OVER MANY PHONE CONVERSATIONS ON VARIOUS ASSORTED DIFFERENT TOPICS OVER MANY DIFFERENT DAYS—JUST TO CONSTANTLY TURN AROUND AND DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU’VE BEEN SAYING YOU LIKE, PREFER, ETC.?! I don’t get it!
- He asks where I want to go (“the sports bar for onion rings”) We didn’t go the sports bar because he wanted to go to a different restaurant. Ultimately he had a craving for hamburgers that day, but never once asked me what I was craving that day.
- He asks which location I prefer to go to (“the Five Guys on “Anywhere” Street”). He changed locations of the Five Guys restaurant from the location I told him I preferred to go to—even after he asked me my preference and said he didn’t care.
- He asks how I’d like a guy to treat me and how my ideal date would go (“I like when a guy offers to pick me up”). He refused to come and get me because he was more concerned about how his car looked rather than more concerned about a lady driving herself to the date location.
So, needless to say, THAT date never did happen and—if it did—it would have been all about HIM anyway. What a turnoff.
PLEASE GIVE ME ANY THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE SO AS TO SHED SOME LIGHT FOR ME ON THIS WHOLE SITUATION. Surely, I am missing something as to why this whole scenario happened in the first place. And if I’m the one that needs to go into therapy, just say so.
So, if you have nothing else to do today, evaluate the mental capacity of the people who are asking you out on dates—and if the above scenarios happen to you, run in the opposite direction.
Take-Away Life Lesson: Date people who actually listen and pay attention to what you are saying—and, if they have a change of plans, who will actually explain what is going on so it doesn’t look like they’re being selfish and clueless as to how to treat a person. Have some class about yourself, learn some basic manners, and respect your potential date with your tone of voice, the way you speak, the things you say, and how you treat them.