The Non-Date From Hell

Onion Rings

(I swear this is all I wanted.)

There are all kinds of people who are “accepted for who they are.”  Even Charles Manson had people who “accepted him for who he was.”  He continued to hang around these people who “accepted him for who he was,” in part, because he could treat them any way he chose to since they allowed him to do so.  Doesn’t mean it was right.  It just means he found people that let him treat them that way.  At what point do you say, “Hey, this is really WHO this person is and I know I deserve WAY better than this—especially when you’ve HAD way better than that before?”

I have gone out from time-to-time with gentlemen suitors on occasion that run the gamut of all nationalities, shapes, and sizes with ages ranging from 20’s through 60’s.  I mean, I don’t discriminate—if you’re nice, you’re nice.

But the men vs. women world can fascinate me at times and I’d LOVE for anyone to give me their honest opinions on this because I, for the life of me, can’t figure it out.  And, by all means, if you think there may be something wrong with my way of thinking—please feel free to let me know or explain your side of it to me.  I’m all ears and won’t take offense.

Three weeks ago, I had two different dates lined up with two different people:

A.  The first guy—I had formally met just the day before the date and is someone in his mid-20’s and from a foreign country.  He told me he remembered me from a whole year ago when I made a brief stop at a store he worked at part-time but I hadn’t really seen him since.  He told me every item of clothing I had worn that day when I came into the store and it triggered my memory.

Long story short—he called me the very next day and wanted to go for a run in a park that afternoon.  The weather was beautiful, people were all over the park, and I thought it was an awesome first-date type thing to do—with the exception that we decided to walk around the park because I get winded too quickly.  Seriously?  Run?!  Who are we kidding?  Let’s get real.

Two hours later we parted ways when he had to go to work and only 15 minutes later after he arrived at work he was kind enough to call to thank me for meeting him out.  A SIMPLE AND UNCOMPLICATED DATE, I TELL YOU!

B.  The second guy—I have known for a few years and is much older and in his mid-50’s.  I’ve been out with him several times before—off and on. It’s nothing serious and we’ve talked on the phone many times.  He always asks me what types of things I like.  Since he doesn’t like to “guess” what a woman likes—he’d prefer women tell him straight out.  So I’ve done this on several occasions.  I’ve also mentioned things I like or want to do even when he doesn’t ask me what I like.  He’s generally smart enough and pays attention.

BUT HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF A WEEK WITH THE SECOND GUY:

A.  THE RESTAURANT

We had been talking on the phone off and on for several weeks about nothing in particular.  During our conversations, I kept mentioning how much I love the onion rings and apple pie at this one particular sports bar.  Love them so much that I go there from time to time to treat myself.  And during their happy hour ALL their appetizers are HALF-PRICE!!  The onion rings go from $7.00 to $3.50 for a big mound of those suckers.  The deal is just too sweet to pass up.  Get a side of ranch dressing and I go to town eating them.  I crave them all the time.

At some point he and I agreed we’d go to this same sports bar the very next Thursday (a week later) for a “date” to get onion rings and apple pie since he had never been there before and he likes onion rings and apple pie himself and knew I did, too.  And because I’m always thinking about the onion rings, I was anticipating the date all week.

Not only have I constantly talked about my love for these onion rings and apple pie, my mouth was watering for them.

Well, only two days later which was a Saturday—he calls and asks if I’m available to go to the sports bar that very day since he was out and about town and could head towards there in a few minutes because he suddenly found some free time and was craving the apple pie.  I said, “SURE”!  I mean, I was available and we can get the apple pie sooner rather than next week.  But I asked him if this means we’re not going back to the sports bar next Thursday to get onion rings during happy hour.  He said, “No, of course we can still go Thursday, too.”

So I’m thinking WOW—I’ll get to go with him both today for apple pie (which was Saturday) AND next Thursday for onion rings.  Even though he was paying, I figured, why pay full price on Saturday for onion rings when you can get the same amount at half-price during the week at happy hour?  So we only got apple pie on Saturday.

(My point to all this is somewhere along the way the entire non-date became about HIMSELF even though he’s always asking ME what I like to do, what I want to do, etc., etc., so he doesn’t have to “guess” what women like.  Not that I’m selfish and expected it to be all about me—but why ask a woman what she wants, likes, etc., if you’re trying to “please her” if he’s just going to change everything to what HE wants to do???)

So that following week on Monday he calls and asks me if it was “ok if we went to a different restaurant on Thursday instead of the sports bar.”  So I was accommodating and said “SURE, THAT’S FINE.”  (After all, I’m thinking—well he’s paying.)  So even though all I had been talking about was my love and craving for these onion rings at the sports bar—I was being a team player and decided it was really no big deal for me to go to a different restaurant with him since he, obviously, did not want to go to the sports bar or he wouldn’t be asking me that question to begin with!

There was never any mention of what this “other restaurant” would be but I was game for whatever.  I assumed he may have wanted to take me to a “nicer” place to eat rather than a sports bar and maybe surprise me, I guess.  I didn’t really know.  That’s the only reason in my mind that I could think a guy would ask me if I cared if the place of the restaurant changed when it would be obvious to anyone paying attention to me that all I’ve been talking about was my desire for these onion rings at the sports bar.  So I thought it was sweet that he possibly wanted to take me to a “better” place instead.

Talked to him a few more times that week and assumed things were still on as planned even though there was no other mention of this date that whole week.  When Thursday came around, he had not called me at all the entire day so I wasn’t sure if he would remember the date or was still planning to go.  I thought it was odd he hadn’t called all day to even mention or confirm it.  So I continued on with my day as if we were NOT going anywhere since I hadn’t heard anything from him and there was no mention of it again since Monday.  But he finally calls around 5:00pm Thursday to confirm we’re still going out.  “SURE,” I say.

So I ask him which restaurant HE decided HE wanted to go to instead of the sports bar.  Well, he tells me HE has a craving for a hamburger.  So I said, “OK.”  (Now it becomes about HIS craving and not MY craving that I’ve had all week talking about these onion rings.)  So, I happily agreed since I like hamburgers, too.  Not one time did he ask me what I had a craving for though.  He simply stated HE had a craving for burgers.

B.  THE LOCATION

So I ask him where he wanted to go and he says “FIVE GUYS BURGERS.”  So, basically, FIVE GUYS and the sports bar are pretty much on par with each other as anyone knows.  It’s not like it’s a nice 3- or 4-star restaurant he decided to take me to instead.  So I never said anything to him about this change, I simply asked which location we were going to since I had to “meet him there” (more on that below).

He says “Well, there’s 2 or 3 Five Guys locations we can go to” and told me he could go to either of them and it did not matter to him.  He asked me to pick one from which location I preferred to go to and what was more convenient for me and he would just meet me there since he had no preference.

I said, “Well, let’s just go to the one on “Anywhere” Street.  He said, “OK.”  Told him I needed to get ready and would call him back.  (Had he confirmed the date earlier in the day or at least made mention of it later in the week, I probably would have already been ready at 5:00.)

I texted him an hour later after I got ready to see what time he wanted to meet.  He said he was ready to meet NOW if I was ready but told me to meet him at the FIVE GUYS on “John Doe” Street instead.  (HUH??!!!  What??!!!)

So now I’m thoroughly confused as to why he is always asking me what I want to do, prefer to do, and the things I like if he is going to just change everything to whatever HE wants to do.  So I asked him to call me when he got a chance.

He calls straight away and I ask him “why the change in location?”  He said because HE “can get more things done” if HE goes to this other location.  Since he didn’t elaborate, I asked him “like what?” and he says something like either returning shoes or looking at shoes at the mall and other things out the same direction of “John Doe” Street.

So now it has become about what is more convenient for HIM rather than what I preferred to do, where I preferred to go, or what was more convenient for ME like he said from the start.

Then he said if I preferred NOT to go to the Five Guys on “John Doe” Street to just say that and let him know where to meet.  (At this point I could hear the attitude starting in his voice.)  So I simply said, “Well, I’d rather go to the Five Guys Burgers on “Anywhere” Street like I said from the start.

At this point his voice started to sound hostile because I was asking him why he would ask me where I wanted to eat, what location I wanted to go to, etc., if he’s just going to keep changing it to what he wants.  I asked him why he just didn’t call to tell me why he wanted to change locations so I wouldn’t be confused as to why he kept asking me what I wanted when all I saw was him changing everything and not listening to me.  He told me “because it was none of my business and I didn’t need to know everything.”  (True story, guys!)

I thought I had every right to ask him the questions I was asking because I have been confused since last week up until this very day of the date because he keeps asking me something and then changing it.  Once I heard him say a curse word on the phone, I was not planning to go anywhere with him.  Why would he get upset on the phone like I did something wrong?

I couldn’t figure out why we were even having these conversations in the first place when I thought I was going to be IN A SPORTS BAR RIGHT NOW EATING ONION RINGS AT HALF-PRICE FOR $3.50 DURING HAPPY HOUR BETWEEN 4:00-6:00PM!!!

Then he says to me with a clear attitude, “Why are you making everything so complicated?  It’s simple—either you want to go to that particular location or you don’t.  If you’d rather go to the other Five Guys location just say so.”

(My point is, I ALREADY HAD!!!  So how many times do I have to say where I want to go, what I want to eat, which location I want to go, and what I like?!)

C.  HOW TO GET THERE

Going back to the beginning of the “non-date.”  He always asks what I like and has even asked me how my ideal date would go from beginning to end.  I have told him this many times before—because, like I said, I’ve known him for a few years so we’ve had plenty of conversations.  He likes to know these things so he can “do” these things to please the other person.

I’ve always made mention how much I like when a guy is gentlemanly and picks a woman up in his car for a date rather than always telling her to drive herself and meet him out every place.  So he’s very well aware of what I like because I’ve said it on many occasions.

BUT YOU GUESSED IT!!

He refused to pick me up because he said his car was “raggedy” and he doesn’t want to pick me up in it.  I told him I did not care what his car looked like because I’ve had guys come and get me in both really nice cars and cars that were “raggedy.”  It doesn’t matter to me.  I think it’s much tackier to make a lady drive to meet a guy for a date rather than at the very least offering to pick her up and giving her the option.

He told me he was more concerned with how his car looked and wouldn’t pick me up until he got a new car one day.  (So he’s really more concerned about flossin’ (showing out) in a car rather than having a lady drive herself to the date location.)  UNBELIEVABLE!  To my way of thinking—that is so ungentlemanly, so tacky, and so ghetto to treat women like that.  So this is pretty much what he does when his car is “raggedy”—he has any woman he takes out on a date meet him there and drive herself.

So as you can clearly see—guy “B” comes across to me as being VERY SELFISH and disrespectful towards women in my opinion.

So my question to you all is:

WHY WOULD A GUY ASK YOU ALL THE THINGS YOU LIKE OVER MANY PHONE CONVERSATIONS ON VARIOUS ASSORTED DIFFERENT TOPICS OVER MANY DIFFERENT DAYS—JUST TO CONSTANTLY TURN AROUND AND DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU’VE BEEN SAYING YOU LIKE, PREFER, ETC.?!  I don’t get it!

  1. He asks where I want to go (“the sports bar for onion rings”)  We didn’t go the sports bar because he wanted to go to a different restaurant.  Ultimately he had a craving for hamburgers that day, but never once asked me what I was craving that day.
  2. He asks which location I prefer to go to (“the Five Guys on “Anywhere” Street”).  He changed locations of the Five Guys restaurant from the location I told him I preferred to go to—even after he asked me my preference and said he didn’t  care.
  3. He asks how I’d like a guy to treat me and how my ideal date would go (“I like when a guy offers to pick me up”).  He refused to come and get me because he was more concerned about how his car looked rather than more concerned about a lady driving herself to the date location.

So, needless to say, THAT date never did happen and—if it did—it would have been all about HIM anyway.  What a turnoff.

PLEASE GIVE ME ANY THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE SO AS TO SHED SOME LIGHT FOR ME ON THIS WHOLE SITUATION.  Surely, I am missing something as to why this whole scenario happened in the first place.  And if I’m the one that needs to go into therapy, just say so.

So, if you have nothing else to do today, evaluate the mental capacity of the people who are asking you out on dates—and if the above scenarios happen to you, run in the opposite direction.

Take-Away Life Lesson:  Date people who actually listen and pay attention to what you are saying—and, if they have a change of plans, who will actually explain what is going on so it doesn’t look like they’re being selfish and clueless as to how to treat a person.  Have some class about yourself, learn some basic manners, and respect your potential date with your tone of voice, the way you speak, the things you say, and how you treat them.

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104 thoughts on “The Non-Date From Hell

  1. May i start by saying that any date where Onions/ Onion Rings are at the center is gonna end up badly. (hahah- ok maybe not so funny). This dude is definitely not worth a lot of space in the Comment Section- the way something so little turned out to be such a complicated saga is a big sign that you are not well suited (as you well know anyway). Its not even so much about the food you guys wanted or where you wanted to go or who wanted what, the bottom line is ‘with the right guy’ in the beginning first dates- things just happen and flow smoothly. And so they should coz that is the easy part, when you dont know each other flaws etc etc. Oh dear…but its great you guys never actually had that date!! better luck with the next date!

  2. Hmmm, at 50+, I think he is senile. Lol. I am kidding. He pulled the ole switcheroo on you. He told you what you wanted to hear, but didn’t follow through. “Oh, you love onion rings from this restaurant. Awesome. How about we head there Thursday.” When Thursday arrives…”Oh yeah, remember those onion rings? Yeah, I don’t want to have them anymore.” Lol

    He agreed initially because it sounded good, and you enjoyed hearing it. He knew eventually he could find a reason at a later date, to change plans to suit him. When the flip flop of location took place, that sent my mind on a whirlwind. Lol. Im telling you, that was his age coming into play.

    He probably had no idea where he placed his shoes, let alone what day it was. Lol. There is not much behind this really, except for him just wanting to do what he wants, but making you feel he is initially interested in your interests.

    To be frank, the flip flop of location was really mind blowing. Lol. I read the passage and thought he was insane. I could imagine the look on your face, listening to Mr. Senile, spazzing out about the location. Lol.

    1. LOL! Omg! I only read the first sentence of your comment and just busted out laughing saying, “Boy I love me some, Errol!” Your entire comment was a great read. I couldn’t stop laughing.

      Isn’t that insane? It was bad enough we were about to now go have BURGERS instead of onion rings because that’s what HE had a craving for that day—but don’t tell me the location of the Five Guys makes absolutely no difference to you IF IT REALLY DOES!!! I tell him, well ok let’s meet at this particular location and he says OK—and exactly one hour later when I’m ready to leave he says “meet me at this location instead.” Omg. I was ready to pull my hair out. Thankfully, I got myself out of that nightmare. I’m a much happier girl now—trust me. Speaking of which, I’ll be sending you a personal email soon telling you all about it so I can get your input. Until then, cheerio.

  3. Oh, my. Do not put this guy on the top of priority list again. He sounds like a very selfish guy indeed. I’m thinking maybe he is just lonely and wants a companion because he doesn’t want to do his errands alone. But…that hostility? He sounds like he doesn’t know how to make a decision, but then decides that he doesn’t like your decision after he realizes it’s not convenient for him. Passive aggressive slightly?

  4. Cita from what I have understood, that guy did this on purpose. maybe just checking to see if you are going to take things lying down. Whether you fall into the submissive, assertive or aggressive category. Once in awhile this behaviour of his can be excused. but offending somebody three times in a row is a bit too much to digest. True, men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, but someone who is not going to make you happy, whatever amount of time you are spending together, is not worthy of giving a second thought. …RUN

    1. Oh, babe, I ran as soon as it happened. I gave him too many chances and yet I kept getting treated poorly. So, no thank you! Romeo is around the corner.

  5. I don’t know about this, girl. You said to tell me what I think, so I will fire away with how I think as I was reading it. No filter, I’m going to be honest.
    I think it really IS a girl world-boy’s world thing like opened the situation with. He is obviously just talking in a practical, rational sense. While you were thinking more on the emotional state. The car, believe me, he has reasons. But yeah, he does sound like a total douche.
    Although, if the girl wants me to pick her up. I will do my darn best to do. If I asked if it’s okay to change the location and the girl said yes to it, then I wouldn’t think other things. Men are just that. We apologize. What we don’t get is that why women hold out with what they are thinking and feeling inside. When he was asking you the things you like, he was just asking. Maybe just striking a conversation. Not really meant to get something out of the things you say. You should have vocalized the ambiguities that you had to him. Vocalize in a way that he really knows.

    1. Thanks, Rommel. The reason I didn’t completely vocalize how I felt about him changing things in the beginning was because I never know when he’s going to get upset when I do. And I’d rather avoid a confrontation. The conversations I have with him tend to be completely different from anyone else I encounter. I ultimately did vocalize these things to him and that’s exactly what happened. He got irritated, got an attitude, cussed, and hung up on me, eventually. Exactly what I thought would happen even though I said everything in the nicest way possible. Had I had that conversation with anyone else, I wouldn’t have gotten treated that way just because I vocalized my “concerns.”
      I just didn’t think he should have made me think things were going to go a certain way and constantly change everything without an explanation. He shouldn’t have said he didn’t care what we did or that he was indifferent and would do what was more convenient for ME if he was just going to change everything to what HE wanted to do constantly. Because now it becomes all about HIM and NOT convenient for me after he says it doesn’t matter. If he has his own plans, that’s fine. Just don’t ask me what I want to do and tell me this is what we’re going to do or where we’re going to go since I was asked. He should have just done what he wanted to do without asking me anything if he was going to constantly change everything to his way in the end anyway. There is ultimately no point in asking me at all.
      Thanks for your opinion, Rommel. I appreciate it.

  6. I just want to tell you that I love you (no-homo) and I love your blog. I love your story telling ability and there is that ” Je ne sais quoi” about you I really love.

    Thank God you are rid of that guy. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

  7. Hmmm – well I think he falls into the category of man who thinks that by ‘asking’ what women like to do means that he is a caring and thoughtful person. So once he’s asked he’s got the ‘being polite’ out of the way and then just goes ahead with what he wants anyway and will be confused if you’re upset ’cause he DID make the effort to ask. It just doesn’t occur to him to follow that up with doing it and will be confused if called on it and feel that you are being ‘high maintenance.

    I don’t mind doing what the guy wants when he asks you out, especially if he’s planned it out in a way he ‘thinks’ you’ll enjoy since even if he gets it wrong he’s tried. I would never let him know if I didn’t enjoy myself but if he asks me out again I usually start with the question of ‘did he have any ideas?’ This prompts the conversation of what each of you like [if he’s thoughtful] and you can come up with something together you’ll both enjoy.

    But I’ve never bothered with a follow-up date with a man who asks what I want to do, agrees and then just sets things up the way he likes it.’ I did a little fun list in retaliation to one of OM’s lists. This one is the top 10 tells of a good husband. After reading your work I think you’d get a giggle out of it. Here’s the link if you’re interested. Oh before I go – did you see Date A again as he sounds quite nice.

    http://jenniferann1970.wordpress.com/2014/03/21/top-10-tells-of-a-good-husband/

    1. I read your post. That was pretty good. Thanks for that and thanks for your comment. And, no, I chose not to see Date A again. He called me again a week later. We talked and the conversation was so-so and I told him in the best way possible what I thought of him. I didn’t want to keep seeing someone I already new wasn’t a good fit for me. I really wasn’t interested in him like that. Then I stopped answering the phone and responding to his texts altogether. Which ultimately turned into him texting and calling me even more. I think he got the hint now but only time will tell. Lol.

  8. You are a true lady and I am pleased you are safe by not going out with this person. It has been my experience that when a man is that complicated, he most definitely has something to hide…a wife, other women or is a few steps ahead of the law. I felt frightened when you stated his voice became hostile at your questioning him about a location to the Five Guys. At least you know you deserve the best and he is out there!!!

    1. Thanks, Kathleen. That’s so amazing how some of these commenters are coming up with “he has something to hide or is married.” He probably doesn’t have a clue that his behavior is giving himself away to others. And the crazy part is—he never apologizes for ANY of his behavior towards me when I hear from him the next time. He’ll go weeks or months without calling me and then out of the blue calls again and starts talking like we’re still cool. And all I’m thinking on the other end of the phone is—how can he possibly think the way he spoke to me or treated me the last time was OKAY and not even mention or apologize for it??? But he’s done this on several occasions to me and I would just talk to him on the phone like nothing happened. When I shouldn’t have. All that did was give him the green light to treat me that way later another day—which he always did. So I think this time I finally realized I’m not the problem and I’m a girl that deserves better. 🙂 Thanks again, Kathleen!! Live and learn the hard way sometimes.

    1. Thanks, Angie! And good article you wrote. You’re right about behaviors. You have a great week, too. And think of me next time you have some onion rings! 😉

  9. Hmmm… I see you lead a very full life… From onion rings to chasing after car thieves to enjoying fashion… and dates.

    Of course, being a gentleman I would never ask how “young” you are but being even older than your last “non-date”, I can suggest you consider terminating such relationships before it gets too far along. While a woman may feel it is just “friendship”, it works the other way for men. Just trying to offer a tip on protecting yourself.

    I know diddly about your man here let alone if he tried to kiss you or not during all these years and “nothing serious” dates and but you gotta figure out its more than loneliness for him. Sure, he could be married or “separated” (watch out for those!) but his always asking about what you want is a sign of possible insecurity. Perhaps pleasing a girl he is interested in is a diversion – to hide what he feels needs to be hidden until later. In other words, if you’re happy, you won’t notice this or that about him.

    …and cars… You know I love mine. Think of it this way… What do you personally do if you will be going out with a man you are truly interested in? Go looking like Roseanne Barr after a work out or more like a princess in a Disney movie, all beautiful and smelling good? 🙂 Well, to some guys (like me!), picking a gal up for a date they have hopes for wouldn’t be in a Roseanne Barr-ish car. 🙂 Of course, I don’t know what he drives.

    Anyways, be careful. I’m not condoning things a man driven crazy by a one-way love may unexpectedly do when he feels wronged… Just thinking about your safety. It’s like going to an ATM all alone at night. It’s not advisable. 🙂

    1. Koji—you know I’m still 18 yrs old and shall always remain so! But, yes, I do try to keep an active and full life. It’s better than being bored, I guess. But thanks for your valuable input. I appreciate it as always and I shall always remain careful. Promise! 😉 <3

  10. I came to check out your page after you looked at mine :-). I think this story was hellarious (no that’s not a typo, it was that funny). I don’t mean to laugh at your expense but this was funny, because it reminded me of how ridiculous and selfish people can be. First of all I think it’s refreshing that you would want to do something as simple as go for Onion Rings and Apple Pie, perhaps I’m not dating the right women, but it seems to me most women’s first preference is “lets go to a fancy restaurant.” This isn’t about me, so let’s get back to the meat and potatoes.
    I think you may have encountered something I learnt the hard way. Some people may ask you what you want, but it’s only to make you think that they’re listening. The reality is that when you’re talking, they hear “blah blah blah”. The sad think is that despite your efforts, they’re not going to actually hear you until they choose to start listening.
    Here’s my personal story: My Undergraduate degree was based on Psychology, and I was always fascinated by Communication, so I took as many of those classes as possible in my curriculum. I won’t say that I’m an expert at communicating, but I do try to use those strategies when I’m talking to someone. You know actually look at them, turn off my phone on a date, ask clarifying questions “so what I hear you saying is …” Anyway, I’ve lived with a friend for about 5 years now, for the entirety of my time with him, I’ve been practicing those strategies I learnt when I spoke to him. About a year ago he was having some personal issues in his life, and around the same time I noticed that our relationship seemed strained. I finally confronted him, and he let me know about ALL the things that were bugging him from our entire 4 years together. He described conversations to me that I remember asking “so can you tell me what it is that I’m trying to say?” he’d repeat it, and then I would move on. He described those exact conversations, yet in his recollection I said exactly the opposite of the things I had him repeat.
    What I found out in one of our follow up conversations after our big conversation is that he uses words to re-assure others and himself. It doesn’t matter what he actually does, simply because he said “I’m sorry” that absolves everything, Me in contrast, I like to use actions, I don’t want to simply tell you I’m sorry, I’d like to demonstrate it by my actions.
    From your story (which I’d point out is only from your perspective), even though he asked you questions, and seemed interested in your answers. The reality is that he was probably just asking questions to seem sincere and caring, but he was just going to do his own thing. It’s fascinating about those people is that when you try to meet up with time, they never seem to have time. From your perspective you understand that, and are willing to move things around to be accommodating. Then out of the blue they’ll call you and then expect you to drop everything you’re doing to meet with them. Hey after-all, NOW they have time, and in the event you’re not able to meet, they are super upset. Sometimes they even have the gaul to say “you’re being unreasonable, why can’t you meet with me NOW?”
    My main take away is this, communication is a two-way street. If only one person is practicing good communication, it isn’t going to work, but people have to be on the same street 😉

    1. Oh, I absolutely love hearing a male’s point of view. Thank you for this, “Mr. Philosopher.” I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. Lol! I actually did, too. It was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve had to encounter—and all I wanted was onion rings! How hard is that to do?! Then he starts getting irritated and upset and cussing. And I’m proud of myself that I never stooped to his level and start getting upset or cussing at him just because he did it to me. I really don’t want anyone asking me anything if it doesn’t really matter to them!! Thanks for that example with your roommate, too.
      And, you’re right—he only made plans once in a while but several times it was more a spur of the moment thing for him. If he unexpectedly suddenly found some free time in his day, he’d call to see if I was available to meet up. So NOW he has time and he’s seeing if I’m available. And, of course, I’d try to be accommodating whenever I could. Rather than him MAKING the time to begin with and sticking to it like most gentlemen would.
      This whole thing just showed me how unimportant I really was in his eyes anyway. I couldn’t believe everything kept changing all the time after he’d ask me my preferences. It was irritating that he made himself look utterly selfish after all that. The onion rings never happened, the burger never happened, nothing happened and he ultimately hung up in MY face when it should have been the other way around. But, like I said, I try not to stoop to his level of treating people poorly. Thanks again for your point of view. I really appreciate the feedback! 🙂

      1. Yes great job on showing restraint and not cursing back at him, even though it seemed warranted. I have another friend like that, and I can’t figure out for the life of me why I continue to make plans with her. She’ll go weeks without a word, then out of the blue pop back up as if we talked just yesterday. Lol make plans, then the day of I don’t hear from her, then pop back up a few days later.
        I’m not unreasonable, I know life happens, but if something comes up last minute and you can’t make it, send me a text. Let’s be honest, no one is without their smart phone attached to them, I’m not stupid enough to believe that you didn’t get my text until a week later :-).
        The last time I saw her she got mad that I was late, I got off work and told her I might be later because of traffic, so she get’s there early, and is upset I could get there earlier. I think I might have laughed at her as she was having her little rant. Probably didn’t bode well for me, but like you I’m not going to stoop to someone else’s level.

        1. Well-said. I couldn’t agree more. Glad to know I’m not the only one going through life’s crazy ups and downs—and unnecessarily, I might add. Lol. Thanks again. 🙂

  11. Lol, the guy is married, he’s a total jerk, and you really need to go celebrate getting rid of him with some half off onion rings, all by your sweet selfie! ❤❤❤;^)

    1. Lol! Too funny. I already celebrated and continue to celebrate every day. Interesting because a couple of other people commenting here thought he was married, too. He should probably stop acting so married. He’s giving himself away. Thanks, Aisha! <3

  12. Meh, sounds like a frustrating pain in the ass human being. Good job for not going, if he was this weird in the beginning imagine him in like a dozen dates in when he really gets going. Oy veh! I hope you went out and ate ALL THE ONION RINGS! Those look incredible!!

  13. Connie Rolland-
    Well I thought #1 was Creepy and I thought #2 was Arrogant and self centered…..!!

    Chrissy Garrison RodriguezI –
    I say who cares why. Probably wouldn’t ever understand this a**hole anyway. And just be thankful she dodged the rotten boyfriend bullet lol

    1. Thanks again, Dawn. Tell your friends I really appreciate the feedback. It is a little strange #1 could remember everything I was wearing 12 months ago just seeing me one time.

      1. Lol. Yeah, that’s a little strange #1 could remember everything I had on from a whole year ago just from running in and out of a convenience store.

  14. life’s too short to get caught up in his chaos, he probably still lives with his mother. your world is bigger than that. anyway you make better onion rings than him !

    1. See, that’s why I love you, RALPH!!! You don’t even drive and you’d still find a way to “pick me up”!!! Lol. Hearts, hearts, hearts! Any kind of “pick up” will do. That put a smile on my face. Thanks, Ralph. <3

  15. Whoa girl. First off, YOU are not the one that needs therapy. I wouldn’t have lasted past the “it’s none of your business,”! What a jerk. Honestly though, I think it just proves you need to stick to your guns and if you want something- like onion rings at a particular bar- ESP if it’s already been agreed upon(!), then you get them. If the dude gets weird about it then that helps you weed out the losers. Never compromise ANYTHING you really want for a man- no matter how big. Because then men that are worth it, well, they’d never ask you to anyway 🙂

    1. Girlfriend, who are you tellin’!! When he said it was “none of my business” my brain went to the left and he completely lost me and I knew THAT date wasn’t happening! His disrespect is utterly unbelievable. You can tell he’s generally an unhappy man altogether. I don’t even know why I considered it in the first place when I’ve rarely smiled around him. Thanks for this, Tracy! I appreciate knowing I can save my money from therapy sessions. 😉

      1. I too, would have lost it at the ‘none of your business’ comment. If he wanted to change venues it would only be polite to point out that he had a legitimate reason. Else he comes across as a colossal pain in the arse, just for the hell of it. With this guy it was just one thing after another, I probably would have lost my patience a lot sooner than you did! We don’t need rude, uncompromising jerks in our lives. We deserve thoughtful, polite gentlemen that will at the very least meet us halfway!

        1. Exactly! Explain to me in plain English what is going on so it doesn’t look like you’re being a pain or trying to irritate me on purpose with all the changes! You’re right, I did actually start getting rather annoyed sooner, but I didn’t let any of it show when I was talking to him. I just kept agreeing with what he said to keep the peace because I can never tell what’s going to set him off or get him upset next. Small trivial things can set him off so he probably needs to keep hanging around people who are more like himself that “accept him for who he is” no matter how rude he can be. But not me. If I’m not cussing at you—don’t cuss at me. If I’m not hanging up in your face—don’t hang up in mine. If I’m talking to you politely—talk to me the same way. That “none of your business” line was when I knew I was staying home.

  16. Okay, Cita…he’s in his 50s and single for a reason. And that reason YOU clearly spelled out above. Now…he knows enough to ask the appropriate questions [what do you like, where to go, etc] and he even comes right out and tells you he’s asking so he doesn’t have to guess. In effect, he’s giving himself a huge pat on the back “oh look at me, I’m so kind, blah blah blah”. But…he could care less what your answer is, his ego takes over and he feels because he was “kind” enough to ask you what you wanted/craved, his “reward” is do what he wanted all along. Make sense? And not even offering to pick you up? Give me a break about the raggedy car bit! Move on from him, my dear! I bet if you go to the sports bar alone this week, saddle up to the bar at happy hour and order your own onion rings…Mr. Right could be a mere 2 stools away! There are good and kind gentlemen out there…you WILL find one another. 🙂

    1. Love you so much for this, Nancy! I knew I wasn’t crazy. I’m a pretty smart chick-a-dee. There’s something mental going on there that I can’t even begin to explain. Nor do I have any time in my precious life to figure it out. I’m on earth to be a happy girlie and need to surround myself with those types of people instead of those so full of anger.

      You’re right, he definitely didn’t care what my answers were but he pretended to care. So I gotta give him props for at least pretending. I felt the same way when he said his car wasn’t up to par. Give me a freaking break! I think way more of a guy who picks me up in a run-down car chugging along than a guy who constantly makes me drive myself everywhere to meet him places. He clearly needs to take “Dating 101.”

      And, yes, I did take myself out to the sports bar and got my own onion rings. You know I wait for no one! I know there’s a Romeo made for me who’ll truly love me. 🙂 🙂 🙂

      1. My pleasure, Cita. <3 Life's too short to waste time on a person like Rome-oh-oh…no! Your Romeo is there somewhere, and when the time is right and the stars aligned, this true gentleman will come calling!

  17. So far:

    George Geisenhaver-
    “Mr B may well have been trying to see if he could manipulate her and to what extent. But she should have been seeing red flags well before Thur. While it can be better for both to meet on occasion, the right thing is for a gentleman to pick up the lady, imo”

    Pam Kewin-
    “Umm IMHO guy B is married!”

    George Geisenhaver-
    “the same thought crossed my mind as well Pam Kewin”

    1. LOL! LMAO! Thanks for sending over your friends’ opinions, Dawn. I SO appreciate it. Tell all your friends I’m sure they are all SO SPOT ON about him!! That’s amazing that they can see all that about him just from reading what little I wrote about him when they haven’t even met him ever in life!! That’s saying a lot! If you get any other opinions from your friends, please send them over. I love a good read and I’m glad to know I’m not the crazy one here! Love it! 🙂

    1. I know. That’s how you know I’m irritated. It tends to get a little long. You gotta pull up a cup of coffee for this one, Mr. Fitz. 😉

  18. Well “Just a Girl”;

    I do see some amount of “Princess” in your attitued BUT as you did say He Asked!

    My partner of 18 years is JUST LIKE THIS and it is irratating. I have very strong opinions and likes and dislikes, that is why I find your blog so refreshing and funny and I think you, like I do myself, are willing to accomedate change and others’ desires too, BUT HE DID ASK!

    I believe it is a controling mechanism albeit possibly unconcious one. Example: it’s your way, it’s your way, it’s your way; UNTIL IT’S NOT AT ALL YOUR WAY, he way just paying lip service to your way.

    He wants you to want what HE wants and he wants you to give up what you want and tell him you want it his way. No, don’t do it. Not only was the venue brought up in coversation by you, he asked you out, not only because he wanted to go out with you but apparently make you happy. Then he changed the date.

    Next while still acknowledging that you still wanted the “complete” package. he paid lip service to that desire, avoided addressing the issue, and at the last minute changed the location and the food. Finally he obviously wanted you to pick his location but he asked you which you wanted and then tried to brow beat you into submission. You made a good choice.

    In my long history of “gentle callers” I’ve encountered many that simply LOVED my independance and then spent the next few months or in many situations years trying to change me.

    I’m perfectly fine with doing what another wants AS LONG as he or she clearly STATES what they really want. I might not really want their way but usually I’ll accept it, however I get very angry when plans are changed, particularly if it was my plan first.

    You’d have probably said yes to the original time at a different location if he’d just stated plainly and immediately that he wanted to change the venue and you wouldn’t have spent all week in anticipation of your pleasure, that would have dampened the disappointment.

    However, this guy just kept ASKING YOUR wishes and substituting his own without standing up and saying what he really wanted. Yeah he was craving a hamburger but then you were craving your onion rings. Then regarding the various locations for the hamburger, it appears he wanted you to just accept what he wanted without informing you directly, if I’d been him I’d have asked for the change, told you he’d pick you up so there was no reason for you to vet the location but then promise a same day next week date to do all of what you wanted; onion rings, apple pie, a person to share it all with, and a low price but he’d get his hamburger that night.

    To my what of thinking, the main reason for spurning him is; he is too much work!

    You certainly made a valid decision! As for me and “He Who Will Not Obey” we’ve been working thru this “stuff” for over 18 years. He asks, I tell, He changes, I say no or even yes but I give him a long discourse on why I’m hurt he changed or why I won’t change or that I still want what I wanted and want it now.

    I’m always saying “Saywhatumean2say” so I know what you wanted in the first place, don’t make me guess and get it wrong and become disappointed or angry. Just tell me what you want and we’ll negotiate but don’t ask me what I want and then change it. Of course he never listens and I’m so so tired that usually I give in.
    Ah life, love, communication, and men.

    hee hee hee dru

    1. Oh, thanks so much for this, Dru!!! I loved reading your input. You’re spot on! Omg, I will never understand his line of thinking and the way he goes about doing things.
      Why bother asking me what I want to do, saying it doesn’t matter to him, and we can do whatever is convenient for me since he has no preference if it’s going to be all about him and he actually has his own preferences in the end???!!

      Stop making me think I’m doing what I told you I wanted to do if you’re telling me I can make the decisions just to turn around every 5 minutes and change it to something I didn’t say I wanted to do. Or STOP ASKING ME! Because if I wanted to go the the hamburger joint, or to the other location of the hamburger joint I WOULD HAVE SAID THAT TO BEGIN WITH!!! And if he had something better in mind, he should have just explained all that directly instead of making it look like he’s only thinking about himself and what he wants AFTER HE ASKED ME!!

      And thanks for noticing the “Princess” in me. Lol. I wasn’t sure anyone could see it. I love to think I have a fairytale life even if some people turn it into a nightmare.

  19. I’m going to throw this at my facebook wall, where I have quite a variety/mixed bag of that gender (includes a couple/few wise, kind & intelligent men) & I will be back to let you know results.
    BTW, You’re kinder & more patient than I! I personally don’t put up with chit. I prefer my own company over bad company ♥
    I’ll be back 😉

    1. Omg, Andy! Thank the heavens you are married! You don’t have to deal with this stuff anymore. You’re right on the respect thing, too. Life is too precious to deal with such nonsense. I must say, I’m in a much happier place now. 🙂

  20. He sounds like the complicated one! I wouldn’t have met him if he didn’t want to pick me up. Already a bad sign! At least you find out the way he is in the beginning rather than home trying to be fake and make you believe he is a nice guy in the beginning.

    1. Girl, tell me about it. I was confused as to how I was the complicated one! I made everything simple from the start. He didn’t even OFFER to pick me up and give me the option. I actually ASKED him if he’d pick me up and he wouldn’t. My importance was beneath the looks of the car I soon found out. I found if you let someone mistreat you once they will more than likely do it again because you allow it to happen each time. I try to surround myself with people that make me feel good, happy, and put loads of smiles on my face! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    1. Lulu—just know I took myself out the very next day (hence, the picture)! I was so irritated by it all. I was very straight-forward with everything I liked and wanted to do since he asked me. He actually ended up hanging up in MY face, too. Amazing.

  21. A date doesn’t get any cheaper than 1/2 priced onion rings at a sports bar during happy hour. Low maintenance dates are the best. That older man was foolish. Girl, enjoy your onion rings without him.

    1. You have NO idea how glad I am that a burger loving man put his two cents in!! I’m a burger loving girl myself. But still—the whole thing was ridiculous. Thanks for that! 🙂

  22. I got married in 1962, so have no experience with dating these days, but this seems a bit over the top. Why, indeed, ask you what you want to do, and then just do what he wanted to do to start with? Maybe he didn’t really consider it an official “date”, just a meet up of friends for a snack. But still . . . loving onion rings the way I do, I think I would have held out for “the real thing”, going by myself at a time convenient for me instead of ying yangin’ around with Bozo.

    Virtual hugs,

    Judie

    1. That’s exactly what I ended up doing the next week. I can have a date just fine with myself getting onion rings or even with ANY OTHER guy, for that matter, who would never take me through the complications of going on—what should have been—a simple date. Even friends meeting up don’t take you through all that after they ask you what you want to do. Go figure.

      1. Onion rings are so yummy, but something I never make at home. Frequently they are very greasy in a restaurant because they sit around for too long, so if you find good ones . . . beeline it! ;->

        1. I did, Judilyn! They make ’em fresh and crispy and plate them as soon as they’re done! Love that ranch dressing with ’em, too! 🙂

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